Far Away
by 88Ashley88
Summary: She always knew Jay would get deployed back with the military. She'd had the feeling since she'd met him. Since the day they became best friends. Jay was always the one to assure Erin that the odds were good he'd never have to be deployed ever again. But Erin Lindsay and odds just never quite work out...One Shot


**I'm trying something new as a one-shot. I hope that you guys like it. It's different from anything that I've written before.**

 **I do not own anything affiliated with Chicago PD or the song "Far Away" by Nickleback**

 **Please Enjoy**

 **00000000000000000000000**

 _This time, This place_  
 _Misused, Mistakes_  
 _Too long, Too late_  
 _Who was I to make you wait_  
 _Just one chance_  
 _Just one breath_  
 _Just in case there's just one left_

There's one thing that Erin Lindsay dreads. She dreads the moment when camouflaged uniforms march their way up her street, outside her front window, up to her front door.

She tries not to live her life in fear. Because it's nothing compared to the fear her boyfriend lives in everyday.

She always knew Jay would get deployed back with the military. She'd had the feeling since she'd met him. Since the day they became best friends. Jay was always the one to assure Erin that the odds were good he'd never have to be deployed ever again.

But Erin Lindsay and odds just never quite work out..

Jay had been the one to kiss her first.

The night she realized that she just wasn't going to fit into the "Task Force" and she just needed the company of someone she cared about. And she'd found herself on his doorstep. He was the first person she thought of.

He was always the first person she thought of, every morning he was what she reached for and kept reaching for. The coolness of his side of the bed always seemed to fill the void of her empty and aching heart these days.

He was the last person she thought of when she laid her head down on the pillow every night she went to sleep. Every night she'd lay in bed and look out the window at the moon and stars in the sky and she'd find some small comfort in knowing he was sleeping under that same sky, halfway around the world.

Some days were better than others, she was having better days lately. Though work kept her buys and made it harder to keep track of just how many days he'd been gone. Of how many days since she'd last felt those arms around her. Of how many days it had been since she'd felt that strong hand, gently caress her cheek and chin before he'd lean down to kiss her.

Then reality sets in and she realizes just how long it's been.

356 Days.

50 Weeks and 6 Days.

8,544 Hours.

512,640 Minutes.

30,758,400 Seconds.

"Hey, Lindsay" A voice startles Erin out of her thoughts as she looks up from her desk.

"Yeah?" Erin asks as she looks up and sees Platt standing next to her desk.

"It's almost ten, Erin" Trudy says looking down at her watch.

Reality sets in around Erin and she looks around the empty bull pen. Then down to her paperwork, that she didn't even remember finishing.

"I was..." Erin cleared her throat "I was just finishing up some work"

Platt looked at Erin and raised an eyebrow. "You haven't moved your pen in an hour"

Erin exhaled and looked up at Trudy. "What's your point?"

Platt folded her arms over her chest and looked at Erin.

"My point is, that it's after 10pm on December 23rd and I'd like to go home. But I can't go home while you're still here"

Erin shook her head and looked over at her empty coffee cup and then over at the break room and she felt her heart ache at the memories that she and Jay had shared in that room. Erin rolled her neck in a circle and then looked over at Trudy.

"You don't have to stay here. I'm capable of locking this place up when I leave" Erin explained. "In fact, I'm pretty sure I've spent a lot longer here than you have"

Trudy nodded and leaned down and placed her hand on Erin's desk.

"Here's the thing, I want to go home and I can't go home if you're still up here alone because there's not going to be anyone at the front desk. It's Christmas, Erin. All of the emergency response is working out of the call center. I don't care where you go, but you can't stay here. So, do me a favor and go home, detective"

Erin sighed and looked at Trudy. "Alright"

Trudy watched as Erin stood from her seat and started to gather up her things.

"Have you heard from, Halstead?" Platt asked.

Erin froze at the mention of Jay's name before shaking her head. "Not for a few weeks. I used to get a letter every week, I haven't gotten one since Thanksgiving."

Trudy was quiet for a moment. "That doesn't mean anything, he's probably just somewhere that he can't get to a mailbox. I'm sure that if something hap-"

"Don't" Erin said holding her hand up to stop Trudy from finishing her sentence. "I don't even want to think about the possibility of something like that happening"

Trudy nodded her head and looked down at Erin's desk. "You know, it's not much, but if you wanted to come over to my place for dinner, Randy and I'd love to have you"

Erin shook her head "Thanks, but I promised Hank that I'd come over. Justin and Olive are in with the baby and he wants to do this whole family thing for Christmas"

Trudy shrugged her shoulders and cleared her throat. "Well, if you get hungry. You know where we'll be. Randy makes a really good stuffing"

Erin slipped her coat on and looked back at Trudy. "I'm sure he does"

 _That I love you_  
 _I have loved you all along_  
 _And I miss you_  
 _Been far away for far too long_  
 _I keep dreaming you'll be with me_  
 _and you'll never go_  
 _Stop breathing if_  
 _I don't see you anymore_

Erin walked out of the district and into the night. She paused on the steps as she stepped out into the city.

Snow was falling and it left an er of silence in the city as it fell and coated the ground and everything around it in white. It was so quiet and peaceful as Erin walked to her car and got in to drive the short distance to her apartment.

Once she reached home, she parked the car and sat still for a few minutes. She laid her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes as she tried to fight the fresh tears that burned her eyes.

She wasn't sure when she'd become one of those girls who wraps her happiness up in a man. But it was like she'd been an incomplete version of herself until she'd met Jay. She often teased him about catching him looking at her when Hank gave the speech about the people standing next to you being your family all that time ago, when they'd first met.

She'd always wanted to know what Jay was thinking when the two of them had locked eyes, but he'd never told her. She just figured he was like every other male she'd had to prove her work ethic to, and Jay was just too afraid to tell her.

But anytime she'd ask him about that day, that moment, he'd always change the subject. So Erin just dropped it, she'd knew she'd done more than enough to prove to Jay she was just as worthy of the badge as he was.

 _On my knees, I'll ask_  
 _Last chance for one last dance_  
 _'Cause with you, I'd withstand_  
 _All of hell to hold your hand_  
 _I'd give it all_  
 _I'd give for us_  
 _Give anything but I won't give up_  
 _'Cause you know,_  
 _you know, you know_

Erin stepped off of the elevator and rounded the corner and she saw him standing there. She wasn't expecting him and judging by the look of him, she was sure he'd been there awhile.

"Hey Will" Erin greeted as she found the key to her apartment and made her way to the door.

"Hey Erin" Will said standing up from the floor as he stretched his aching muscles. A 12 hour shift was a breeze compared to spending two hours sitting on a wood floor waiting for his brother's girlfriend to come home.

"Are you not working tonight?" Erin asked as she opened the door and walked into her apartment leaving the door behind her open so that Will could walk in.

"I'm already off. I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. I haven't seen you since Thanksgiving" Will explained shutting the door behind him.

Erin shrugged her shoulders and walked to her fridge and opened it. Her gaze searching the contents for something to quiet her growling stomach.

"Not exactly the reply I was looking for" Will walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter as Erin grabbed a beer for her and Will and walked over to the counter.

"I've just been busy with work" Erin explained.

Will nodded and took a drink of his beer. "I get that Erin. I do. But you're not the only one that misses him"

Erin felt a flicker of anger and she sighed as she looked at Will. "I never said I was"

Will set his beer down on the counter and looked at Erin. "Jay is ok, Erin. I know that doesn't bring you much comfort since you've never been through a deployment with him. but trust me when I say, he's ok. If he wasn't we'd know. And it's only three more months. Come Spring, he's going to be back here being the same pain in the ass he's always been"

Erin gave a small smile and she studied the bottle in her hands. "I just miss him. So much, And I hope that I hear from him soon. This waiting stuff is hell"

Will nodded in agreement. "Yeah, but with Jay gone, you get to spend all your time with the better Halstead brother. The one that can tell you stories on this brother that you are just so in love with. The brother who sucked his thumb until he was five and is deathly afraid of frogs"

Erin finally laughed for the first time in what felt like weeks. And leave it to a Halstead to bring her to it.

"Frogs?" Erin asked.

"Yep. He hates em" Will explained. "When we were kids we'd go to the cabin in Wisconsin I used to go out to the lake and find them and put them in his room. He'd start crying. Ah, God those were some good times"

"What changed?" Erin asked.

"Well, for one, he got big enough to finally fight back. We got in this fight and broke the banister off the back deck of my grandfather's cabin and my dad raised hell and told Jay to stop being a pussy. He really laid into Jay, all the time. And finally I had enough and stood up to the old man. My dad and Jay...they have a pretty strained relationship. They always have" Will explained.

"I know" Erin said.

"I think it's part of the reason Jay enlisted. Our mom died right before Jay graduated high school. I was off doing God knows what, I just couldn't be there with her sick. And Jay, he took care of her day and night, and when she died...he just couldn't take it. Couldn't be in that house with dad any longer and since dad's dream of medical school and Jay's grades and attitude weren't going to get him there, Jay enlisted." Will took a long drink of his beer before continuing.

"Jay's always been the one who wants to fix things, and do good for those around him. He's happy, Erin. Really, truly happy. When mom died, a part of Jay died with her. A part that I haven't seen until you came along. He loves you, Erin. And I don't even think you have a clue to just how much. I know that you say he pulled you out of all of the stuff that happened after your friend Nadia died, but the truth is, you saved him right back"

Erin shook her head, "I didn't..."

Will raised his hand to stop Erin from talking. "But you did, you've made my brother whole again. And you've given him a light that I haven't seen since he was a teenager. So, I owe you a great deal of gratitude for that. And I know that wherever Jay is right now, that you're on his mind every single second. He's going to come home to you Erin. You just have to believe that"

Erin nodded and wiped a tear that slid down her cheek. "Thank you"

 _That I love you_  
 _I have loved you all along_  
 _And I miss you_  
 _Been far away for far too long_  
 _I keep dreaming you'll be with me_  
 _and you'll never go_  
 _Stop breathing if_  
 _I don't see you anymore_

Erin sat on the couch in Hank Voight's living room. Christmas Eve was here and with it, it had brought Justin, Olive and a now walking Hank Jr.

"How have you been, Erin?" Olive asked as she finally got a moment to sit down after putting Hank Jr. down for the night.

"I've been ok" Erin said looking out the window at the snow that was falling as insturmental Christmas music played over the radio in the background.

Olive looked over at the tree and the presents under it. "Thank you for the gifts, Erin. You didn't have to get us anything"

Erin kept her eyes on the snow falling and the Christmas lights that lit up the homes up and down the block. "You're welcome"

Olive looked down at her hands "Do you want some pie or me to fix you something to eat? You didn't really eat anything at dinner"

Erin shook her head "No thanks. I'm fine"

Olive nodded and reached over to place her hand on Erin's knee. "It'll be ok, Erin"

Erin nodded as she heard Hank walk into the room. "Olive, would you mind helping Justin put that train together in the other room before he burns my house down?"

Olive nodded and stood up from the couch "Of course"

Hank watched as Olive walked out of the living room and into the other room before he walked over to where Erin was sitting and he held out a cup of coffee to her.

"Thank you" Erin said taking the coffee from Hank and bringing it up to her lips.

She didn't drink it. She just took a moment to let the smell wrap around her before putting it to her lips and taking a slow sip.

"I'm glad you're here, kid" Hank said as he looked over at Erin.

"Me too" Erin said.

"I know it's been a hard year, Erin" Hank started. "I wish there was some way to make it a better Christmas for you"

Erin shook her head and looked at Hank "It's a great Christmas, Hank. Honestly it is and I'm so thankful for all the things that you and Camille did for me, I can never repay you do enough for you to show you just how thankful that I am. I just didn't expect the holiday's to hit me this hard. It's not been this hard for me since Camille died"

Hank nodded and took a drink of his coffee. "That was an interesting first Christmas without her"

Erin smiled at the memory of a burned turkey and her, Justin and Hank eating pizza at the kitchen table in their pajamas. Everything that could have went wrong that day, did go wrong. But somehow, it had been one of the best that Erin had ever had.

"Your turkey skills have improved" Erin joked.

"I'm glad you think so" Hank said as he stood up from the couch. "I have something for you"

Erin watched as Hank walked over to the mantle and grabbed an envelope and walked back over to her. "It came to my house by some mistake. I think the postman still thinks you're getting your mail here from when you were staying with me after everything with Bunny. I was going to give it to you tomorrow, but I think you should have it now"

Erin looked at the envelope as Hank handed it to her and she smiled as she ran her fingers over Jay's handwriting.

"Thank you"

Hank nodded and walked out of the room to give Erin privacy to read.

Erin opened the letter and pulled it out and began to read.

 _Erin,_

 _I konw it's been awhile since I was able to put pen to paper and write you a letter and for that I'm sorry. I can't tell you where I am, but what I can tell you, is it makes me miss the place we were._

 _I'm glad to hear that you had a great Thanksgiving, you deserve it and if you're reading this now, it must mean it's Christmas. So, I'll start by saying Merry Christmas, Baby._

 _I miss you so much, Erin. But I know that every day we're apart is a day closer to getting to hold you in my arms again._

 _I've been thinking about what you always ask me when you ask about what I was thinking that day when Voight was giving the speech about family and we locked eyes from across the room._

 _And since I can't be there to give you an actual Christmas gift, I'll make this my gift to you._

 _When I looked across that room at you and I saw you glance back at me. I saw one thing._

 _The rest of my life._

 _And I know that sounds cheesy, but it's what I saw, I looked at you and it's like everything had led up to that moment. I've never seen anything so perfectly clear in my entire life._

 _I knew when I looked at you across that room, I'd met the one._

 _The one who challenges me, angers me, consoles me, saves me. The one that I want to spend the rest of my life making sure she knows just how amazing she is._

 _When Nadia died, I was so afraid I'd lost you, Erin. Afraid that you'd let this beautiful light that you carry go out._

 _And yes, it may have dimmed for a short while, but it's ablaze again. This fire you have, Erin...It's like coming home._

 _It's pure, it's beautiful, it's courageous, it's everything I love about you and so much more._

 _I spent a lot of time angry when my mom died. And it's still not something I like to talk about. She was the one person in my life that I loved more than I thought I could ever thought possible and when she died...Well, I may as well have died right with her._

 _But then I met you and we became friends and finally we became more, And I have that love again. And it's all because of you._

 _So, just know that even on days when it seems so dark that I don't think I have the strength to go on, I think of you and that light that you carry...it gets me through._

 _I love you, I miss you and I'll see you soon,_

 _Jay._

 _So far away_  
 _Been far away for far too long_  
 _So far away_  
 _Been far away for far too long_  
 _But you know, you know, you know_

Erin rolled over in bed and reached her hand out but like every other day for the past year, she was met with cold.

Her eyes slowly opened and she found herself in her old room at Hank's.

It was officially Christmas Morning.

Erin pulled the covers back and grabbed her small overnight bag and went down the hall to the bathroom.

The house was still silent and Erin looked at her watch and figured everyone was still asleep. So she thought she'd take advantage of the quiet house and get ready and pour herself a cup of coffee before presents were opened and football games were watched.

After Erin showered and dressed she walked down the stairs of the still quiet house and into the kitchen where she saw Justin sitting at the table drinking a cup of the already made coffee.

"Merry Christmas, Erin" Justin said looking up from his phone to Erin as she walked in.

"Merry Christmas" Erin repeated as she poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table.

"Are you the only one up?" Erin asked.

Justin nodded. "Yeah, Olive and H.J. are still asleep. Dad and I stayed up way too late putting toys together. It's weird to bond with him on the level as a father to father. Hell, even father and son"

Erin reached her hand out and laid it on top of Justin's "Are you finally becoming the golden child?"

Justin shrugged his shoulders "Eh, I'm still a little rusty"

Erin laughed and moved her hand back to grab ahold of her coffee cup and bring it up to her lips.

"I hope you like what I got you for Christmas" Justin said looking back down at his phone.

"You didn't have to get me anything" Erin said putting her coffee cup back down on the table.

"Damn it, Erin. You guessed it" Justin joked as Erin reached over and slapped his arm.

The sound of a car door shutting drew Erin's gaze to the window as Olive came in the kitchen carrying Hank Jr. on her hip.

"Actually, I think that's my present, now" Justin said as he watched Erin stand up from the table and he followed suit.

Erin walked through the living room and opened the front door and was met with Hank standing on the other side, fresh snow covering his coat as he walked up the steps.

"Morning" Hank said as he walked up the steps. "Merry Christmas"

"Merry Christmas" Erin said with a smile as she took the bags in Hank's hands. "Where did you go?"

Hank took his coat off and hung it up "I had to go out and pick up your and Justin's gifts. It's a shame you're both grown and I still can't leave them in my own home"

Erin smiled as she looked at the bags of presents and thought about how she and Justin used to search the house high and low for their gifts when they were kids. So much that Camille and Hank had to start leaving the gifts at the Olinsky's home.

"Erin, would you mind putting them under the tree?" Hank asked as he took Hank Jr. from Olive.

"Sure" Erin said as she picked up the bags and walked into the living room.

The bags fell from Erin's hands when she saw him standing there. Still dressed in head to toe cammo.

"Merry Christmas, Erin"

Erin felt tears welling in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks as she ran to him. Almost afraid that it was another dream.

It wasn't until her body crashed into his with a strangled sob that she knew it was real.

"I missed you" Jay mumbled as he held her in his arms and breathed in the soft smell of her perfume and shampoo. God, how he'd missed her.

"I can't believe you're here" Erin finally said as she pulled back to look at the face she hadn't seen in so long.

"And I'm here forever" Jay said. "No more deployments"

"I love you. I missed you so much" Erin confessed tears rolling down her cheeks. "How'd you get here?"

Jay looked over Erin's shoulder at Hank as Hank gave him a nod and walked out of the living room.

"An old friend"

Erin raised an eyebrow as she looked at Jay.

Jay smiled and looked back at her. "Hank picked me up this morning"

"I missed you" Erin confessed again.

Jay raised his hand up to gently grasp Erin's face. "I missed you too, baby. Merry Christmas"

"Merry Christmas" Erin whispered and for the first time in 358 days. She finally felt what it was like to be in his arms and fall in love, all over again.

 _I wanted_  
 _I wanted you to stay_  
 _'Cause I needed_  
 _I need to hear you say_  
 _That I love you_  
 _I have loved you all along_  
 _And I forgive you_  
 _For being away for far too long_  
 _So keep breathing_  
 _'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_  
 _Believe it_  
 _Hold on to me and, never let me go_

 ***~The End~***


End file.
